This morning there was a fly that was bothering me while I was trying to worship. I prayed and asked God to have the fly leave and he did not. I tried swatting the fly and it only got mad and began flying at my face. Then I had a thought pop in my head about Balaam’s donkey. So I stopped and just watched the fly. He landed on my right hand and spent some time inspecting my index finger. Then after like five or more minutes he checked out the rest of my hand. Then a minute or so later he left.

I am not completely sure about what if anything this means. I do know that the fly as near as I can tell did me no harm. He did not cause me discomfort other than the odd feeling of something crawling on you. And yet I was bent on stopping him. I wondering if it is a lesson in focus. I mean I was not focusing on anything other than my needs at the beginning. I wanted God to do something. I wanted the fly to leave. Instead of trying to determine why the fly was there. Assuming there was a reason beyond it was a fly.

Anyway

I had another thought. I am tired of the church game. First I am not good at it and keep losing. Second I do not like the back stabbing, manipulation, deception, caniving, etc that seems to be the mechanics of this game. And the achievements of a new title maybe getting the coveted title of pastor seem empty. I just want Jesus. I just want to serve him. I don’t care about titles. I don’t care about positions. I care about Him and his kingdom. I care about seeing hurt people healed and captive people set free and the kingdom of darkness shrinking while God’s kingdom grows. So I am tapping out. I and not playing anymore. I am done.

VICKY THINKS These are connected. Not every church is perfect. There will always be things that bug us. Focus on a church teaching the word. And let the rest be. Essentially change the tactics it which we have been using to play the game.